Lately I haven't been worth CZ.

I've been in pain. Lots of pain. Actually I've been in pain most of the time since I was 13. But I did go through a really good stretch there for a while. So good, in fact, that I thought I could stop taking my medications when they ran out and be ok. I was not ok. The fatigue came back first, then each day my pain would be worse. By last Saturday I was lying on a ball on the couch with a brain splitting migraine, and muscle spasms all over. (Oh I just kind of sounded like Mrs. Bennett.) I went to see the rhumatologist on Monday, who rightly chastised me for not coming in earlier. What can I say? I was busy and I was feeling good.

This is going to take some time to recover from. When I take my meds, they aren't a magic pill that instantly makes me feel better. They have to work up levels in my system. Although the meds that help me sleep have done amazing things to help with my general pain level and sleepiness. I've been sleeping like a baby and that is the most important thing. Also exercise. I walk a lot at work, and I think that was one of the things that helped me feel so good for the past few months. Losing some weight didn't hurt either. But before I can step up the exercise again, I have got to get these daily migraines to go away.

Speaking of exercise, I want to get an accessory kit for the Wii Fit that makes the balance board a little higher so the step aerobics will be more challenging. They also have a new Fit Plus game that I might ask for as a Christmas gift. Just to change things up a bit. I wish I could be a morning person and get up to exercise then, but I value my evening time with Kim too much, and I would be forced to go to sleep quite early if I wanted to get up to exercise. So instead I try to do it when I get home from work. This does not always go well. I'm usually tired, but I just need to give myself a kick in the pants.

Before you read this next part of my post, go read the "Spoon Theory" at this link:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/the_spoon_theory/

It is very hard to function as a wife and mother and employee with limited spoons. Most days I have a moderate amount of spoons, but then I give so many away at work. Climb these stairs, lift this paitient, bend over to change those sheets, turn this patient, help that patient with thier shoes... It all seems so basic and easy, but each task I do in my day takes something out of me. By the time I get home, I am lucky if I don't have a migraine (which is like a spoon buster), and can think of something to cook for dinner, let alone clean, do laundry, unload the dishes, change sheets on a bunkbed, etc. It makes me feel like a bad wife. I love my job, it's very fulfilling, but it takes a lot of my spoons away from my home life. The house is a wreck, I haven't even bought pumpkins to carve (the thought of carving pumpkins is exhausting), or decorated for Halloween. I do get points for sewing Julia's costume, zipper included. That's right, I sewed a zipper. Bask in my awesomeness. Go on, bask. Ok that's done. I still need to make the bonnet, but I can bust that out during commercials. After a week of work, when I should be figuring out how to get the house clean, I am thinking of how easy I can possibly take it while sewing the finishing touches on my kid's costume. Sounds wrong, right? But kiddos, I only have a few spoons left, and I borrowed against my spoons for the past week to make life happen. So tonight, after dinner is done, I veg. Veg as much as possible.